Monday, June 19

my inner cat and horse must learn to communicate.

The things I hate and love about this blog are that I always change the layout and I'm very straight-forward in my way of writing. These are my horses and kittens. Each thing has a horse and a kitten; a strenght and a weakness. That I change the layout often has both. Its horse is that it shows who I am, the changing and the variation, and it gives viewers new experiences. Its kitten is that it shows how indecisive I am, and that's not cool. That I write very straight-forward and not very descriptive equally has good and bad sides. It's bad side is that I don't come of as being very exciting to read. People know what they get, and that takes the fun out of it. The good side, the horse, is that I don't come off as melodramatic or fake. I was reading Stephanie Klein's blog and often I love it, the way she writes and everything-- but sometimes it just gets too thoughtful, too mysterious and too deep. Where you raise your eyebrow and go "No, really?"

At the psychiatrist I got to find my horse and my kitten, my weaknesses and strenghts. Instead of combining these, I usually just show them one at a time. That is what we're going to change together. I had to close my eyes and seek within my soul. It was very interesting.

I talked to Andreas. I was fucking emotional. I apologised to him and cried constantly in the hours I spoke to him. I've let go of the things I've held against him. I do not need to have a conflict with him. I haven't seen or spoken to him since the night we did our bonding. I am puzzled when it comes to him, and I wish I was all he had. Again. I really need him, and I hope I can cope with having just a part of him. What is this boy to me?

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