Sunday, May 21

10 cuts so far

What Christian said when he was told about my cutting, was that "now it was serious" and that "I should stop".

First of all, it has NOT gotten worse from when I told him I cried every night, till I cut my wrist! Nothing in my head, my mind, my feelings has changed, absolutely nothing. My health is just as seriously endangered as it was before I cut myself. Now it's just easier to convince people. Or, possible. Now people see. Now people understand. Now people say "oh, she actually does feel bad!" just as I wanted them to believe. They all used to think they knew how I was feeling. It wasn't until I wrote it in my own blood, they really understood.

Second of all, why stop? There might be scars, but I highly doubt it, as I haven't cut very deep. I feel great, I have been ever since the first cut. I love it, I love cutting, feeling the slight pain, watching it heel and touching it. I think it's beautiful. People say "stop", but they never ever contribute with an alternative. Cutting myself is the least I can do. I have a doctors oppointment on May 30th. Stop? I bet you expect me to take happy pills instead. As if that's less dangerous.

I feel amazing. 10 cuts so far.

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