Saturday, April 8

judas' gospel & 1/16th gipsy

It's been a while since I had Judas and Lucy. They're my two new little degus, a mixture between a squirrel, hamster, chinchilla and a rat. They're curious and not scared at all, but they have their precautions. They love to run in their little wheel, to build nests and to kill nuts. Oh, and they love to mate.
I had them the day after I decided that I wanted them. I'd wanted a rat 3 days prior, but I couldn't get one of those.
I work like that. Spontaniously. When I want something, or when I find out that I want something, I want it to be mine immediately. All of a sudden, I don't see how I could possibly have lived without it. It was like that with Judas and Lucy. It's like that with my father's last name--

I spoke to my dad yesterday. He's always been there for me, in the background. Like a ressurection that I didn't come from an orphanage or that the stork didn't bring me. I've never expected, wanted anything from him until now. We spoke last night, about our family. Where we came from, and how he got his last name. I don't have his last name, I only have my mother's. He then said that his father had once bought a bible. A huge bible with both testaments in it. It was the family bible. His father had passed it on to him, in it, he had written a small passage about himself. My father would then write some in it about himself - and then pass it on.
... To Tobias, my older brother, who was married into the family.
My family, on my father's side, have gipsies blood in us. We have dark eyes, dark hair. A special kind of warmth and moral. Tobias, whos mother married my father when Tobias was only 7, has red hair, blue eyes and freckles. But that doesn't matter, apparently, because he has my father's last name. So he gets the family bible. The minute he told me this, I had tears in my eyes. I don't really understand how this can affect me so much.
Maybe it's my father's way of telling me that I'm only his daughter by blood? Or his punishment towards me for not carrying his name. Either way, I cared about it. I wanted the family bible. Hell, I've even considered dropping this anti-christian way of leading myself and becoming a christian.
I've searched into the possibilities. It's do-able for me to get his name added to mine. I'm proud of the name, that I don't carry. I'm proud of the history and I look up to my father as was he God. It would be an honour to carry that name. I want to speak to my brother about it. After all, if it means the world to him - or nothing to him - this case will have a different view. I'll see.
I don't know why my identity suddenly have this huge impact on me.

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