Saturday, November 26

Home alone; Babysitting

I am at home tonight, babysitting for Laura. Our mother is in Copenhagen with her co-workers watching a show and eating some food. I'm watching MGP 2005 with Laura, though now I'm sitting here writing this. I hardly ever write in this journal any longer, but I want to start again. I often get some thoughts that I am desperate to write down, but once I get home, I have a million sites to check, people to talk to or places to go.

I feel bad for updating so seldom on my and Christian. Almost everytime I've been with him I've had a change of thought, or something I've had to think through. This is my first real relationsship where it's not all one big mistake (Peter.) and where I actually do have feelings for him. Yeah, I am in doubt, but since I will stay with him no matter what I feel, I won't even give the doubt a thought. Also, I want to give this new option a try - it's just a thought, but maybe I have a hard time having strong feelings for someone because I don't love myself. I'll change myself, the way I see myself and my body.
I'll also hope that Christian falls out of love with me. I don't want him to not love me any longer, I just hope he'd soon get over this 'in love' feeling. Every second he's telling me he loves me, that I mean more to him than to anyone, that I'm perfect, that he's mine, that I'm his and so on. I feel bad for actually complaining about this, and I refuse to ever complain out loud. But I feel... numb. I'm not so extremely in love with him, as he is in me. I've reached the point where I just love him. Remember, I've been in love with him since I first saw him. He's only been in love with me for two or three months. I've gotten used to this feeling by now. The more he tells me he loves me, the less I can feel that I love him.
Look at my luxury problems: Too much love!

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