Monday, October 31

I can still be mesmerized by Leah. Sometimes you just don't realise how much it means to lose a person. By that, I'm not saying that I've lost Leah. I wouldn't let that happen - I say that now, knowing it probably will happen one day, as we never get to see each other. It's a cold fact and I wish I could do something about it. As a matter of fact, I can do something about it. Will I do something about it? Most likely not, as I can't really imagine what it would be. Make her meet up? That would probably be a disaster. Most of the time when I'm with her, I feel ugly. I do love being in her company though, because I admire her so - I think the feeling I get when I'm with her is; starstruck.
Anyways. We'd meet up, we wouldn't know what to talk about, it would be a complete disaster and we'd not see each other again. I like this "we have to meet one day" relationsship. It gives us both some kind of false feeling that we will continue being friends for the rest of our lives.

I have this kind of relationsship with a lot of people, actually. People, I love and cherish and WISH lived next door to me - no, whom I wished lived WITH me. But whom I rarely speak to and know, deep inside within that hidden place that I don't like, I will not know still in 10 years. It's really painful, but the way I deal with people makes it inpreventable.

All I can really do is hope and pray that there are other people like Leah, Merete, Linda and etc. outthere and that I will meet them eventually (and hopefully get to live with all of them for the rest of my life). If not, I can always think back to the years when I actually saw them every day (or every week, month) and didn't know how much I'd miss them.

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