Monday, July 11

"I've always had a problem with food and it shows." I said. His reply was breathtaking;
"No it can't, and you're obviously better looking that you seem to think!"


I chatted to Christian last night. It didn't last the usual 6½ hour, but I think we reached 5½. It's just crazy. First we were just talking regularly, then I kept hinting that I should come over soon to see that movie. He's not stupid, he knows my hints. I refuse to get his. At last he said to me,

"Ok, let's get just one thing straight. It's obvious that you're... interested in me! Would you still come over, if you knew there was no chance of a relationsship?"


Using many words, not very well written, I tried to tell him that I didn't want the relationsship, I wanted him. I'm just not sure it came through. Anyways, he said that then he was available all week. He said he just didn't want me to have my hopes all set and then get terribly dissapointed. Gee, what a nice thought.
Later, I asked him to explain the joke about kissing and making out for two hours straight, cause I was confused. He said it was "meant somewhat as fun". But he made clear that he still didn't mind kissing. At some point, when the oppertunity comes again; I'll ask him if he doesn't mind - or actually wants to. I don't want him to do it "just because the oppertunity is there".. I want him, not to want the kiss, but to want to kiss me. If this makes any sense.
We set up another drinking-date. I'll MURDER Andreas if he thinks he won't show up.

I still haven't decided whether to actually kiss Christian or not. I'm letting it all depend on what he answers, when I ask him; "Do you just not mind kissing me, or do you really want to?"

The hog also said to me; you'll miss too much in life, if you stop to think.
I thought that settled it all, but I'm still not certain. It's still BRAIN vs. HEART. The struggle continues.

I think we may have passed the line towards becoming friends. We're friends now... Not potential anything. Later in our conversation, we started talking about our pasts. I told him about my past, my bullies, my troubles back then. That was when he said the top quote.
"I've always had a problem with food and it shows." I said. His reply was breathtaking;
"No it can't, and you're obviously better looking that you seem to think!"

I told him about my weight-problem. He was being as supportive as a guy can be, and I appreciate it a lot. We talked a bit about some of his earlier issues. It felt good to talk to him like that... But the whole night had been ruined a bit my the mentioning of my serious LACK OF CHANCES with him. Yet, I still don't feel like giving up.

I really really really really really really really hope Mette will come tuesday night, when we're going to drink again. Ohhh, I hope!

Oh, bonus... Guess what. Christian is considering joining the international army or something like that. He wants to be a soldier... Uniform and everything. Uhh. Soldier boyfriend. Uhh. I mean, I'm a girl who gets turned by any kind of uniform. McDonalds? Bring it on! ;-)

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