Monday, July 25

Last night I went to Tivoli, a great amusement park in Copenhagen. I went there with Christian. The first and the best date I've ever had. It was akward. I was rather proud to be walking down the street with his hand in mine (apart from when he did his little jazz-funk-dance, or attempted jazz-funk-dance) and I was proud to kiss him in the balloons. It felt kinda funny. <3

He's very shy, though he has an ego greater than the earth we walk upon. He's not too confident when it comes to taking the initiative. That's okay. Right now, Christian and I are testing each other's limits, seeing what's allowed, what's okay and what NOT to do. He hasn't said anything hurtful yet. I think he's being careful.. Too careful. I'm not whining about it, though. Everything I hated that Peter did, I would love it if Christian did. I guess I'm just desperate to find faults about the guy.

Ohh I saw Leah again! I haven't seen her since... well, it's been forever! In the line for one of the rides, I recognised her boyfriend, Mads - from behind. I'm skilled, I tell ya. When he said Leah was in Tivoli aswell, I couldn't wait to get through the ride and down on the ground. I think Christian was somewhat scared. When I told him that he should meet Leah, I described her as good as I possible could. The prettiest, cutest and most amazing girl ever. Ok, so I wasn't giving her enough credit. Mads led me to Leah after the ride was over. It wasn't until I stood infront of her with Christian in my left hand, I realised that she didn't know about him. She seemed very happy on my behalf. He's fucking indie.
Anyways, it was great to see her again. It's painful that I won't be seeing her everyday in school next year. Then again, if she ever forgets about me, I'll stalk her. [nods]

  • Giggle giggle. Christian and I snogged in front of some old english people. Giggle giggle.
  • He isn't fond of kissing in public. He thinks it's rude.
  • There was a little 8year old PSYCHO swedish girl with braids who wanted to kill me in Tivoli!
  • Christian bought me dinner.. Shrims sweet'n'sour.
  • It was so romantic... <3
  • This morning, he wrote me that he missed me. Aww. <3>

Saturday, July 23

I won. I came, I saw, I gained interest, I bothered, I conquered. My mind has been going non-stop on about what to do with Christian. Before I spoke to him last night, I spoke to Andreas. I had really really missed that, I found out. He changed my mind in a bit... Made me want Christian. He made me think of all the good stuff about Christian and about having a relationsship with him. When Christian came back, I was lost again. Andreas went home- that was fair enough. He had to work today. I asked Christian what we were to do. He said that he'd come to the conclusion that he wanted us to be together. I, the brainiac here, pulled my tongue at him and changed the subject. He said he had fallen for me. I did a 50/50. I just chose something out of the blue, not even wanting to consider the right-ness of it. I chose him. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm with Christian now. I'm Christian's girlfriend. Christian's my boyfriend. I'm terrified!! I'm really, really scared. Don't ask me why, but I am. I have an inner battle. Did I do the right thing?
I'll look back on this day and think "Ok, this must explain everything, why I made such a stupid choice"... Then I'll get awfully disappointed. Sorry, Sofie From The Future, but I was dead-confused and he looked really, really cute.
Gotta go to work.

Friday, July 22

Four days away from home. I had time to think it through, the thing about Christian and I. I've been through all the pros and cons, I even called Rikke for advice. I got to know Rikke through my year at the boarding school and I grew very fond of her helpful advices. She's the one I go to with my large dilemmas. She shouldn't be bothered with my small ones. Her advice is worth gold. Anyways, I called her up and explained everything to her. It seemed so easy. She said I should wait. Not a year, but just a few months, till I got settled at the school and till we both knew for sure what we wanted. That changed my mind (or confirmed it!) and I think I made a decision. I'll wait. I won't give up on him, but I won't lead him into something I can't control.
Help... I made an innocent boy fall for me!
He wrote me that he was falling for me. I was caught with panic! All of a sudden, my mind was confused. I felt like pushing him away, showing him my worst site, just convince him that he DIDN'T want me. I bitchslapped myself! If I pull a stunt like I did with Peter again, I'll go freekin' insane. I'm so confused that I'm not sure what I feel for Christian!
I'll see him tonight with Andreas. They'll come over, cause my mum is not home. We'll order pizza, listen to music, just hang out. Andreas will go home early, cause he has work tomorrow. I have work tomorrow as well. I'll talk to Christian then. Don't know how... Maybe I'll change my mind and fall right on my FACE the second I see him.
Phie thinks I should go for it... Heidi thinks I should go for it... I think I should try to make up my own mind for once, instead of asking others. I guess it's easier to blame them for mistakes I may make. Or thank them for good choices I may make. Get a grip, Sofie!

Monday, July 18

I hate these dilemmas. I spent 20 minutes talking to Pernille about it and I reached ZERO conclusion.

If I get together with Christian, I'll be turning down all kinds of 'fun' at the upcoming parties at the gymnasium.
If I don't get together with Christian, I'll be saying no to him - NO to Christian! Not possible.
If I do get together with Christian, though, I'll be risking our friendsship.
If I don't get together with Christian, I won't live my life to the fullest, I'll be holding back on something that could be so beautiful.
If I do get together with Christian, I may end up hurting him.
If I don't, there's still a risk that I'll get hurt.
If I do, there's a risk that I'll get even more hurt- but I'll have had the experience of having been his girlfriend.
If I do, he may fall in love with me.
If I don't, he may forget about me and get another girlfriend and I'll loose him anyways.
If I do, he may never fall in love with me and there I'll be... In love and hurt.
If I don't, I'm PLAIN STUPID!
If I do, I'm PUTTING MY OWN ASS ON THE LINE!

Sigh. I think of what I'll be missing out on if I turn Christian down. Then I think of what I'll be turning down if I choose Christian. What a shitty dilemma.
When it comes down to it, I think the best thing to do would be to NOT be with him. That we're both doubting is a huge deal. I don't think there should be any kind of doubt. That's it... I'll flip a coin! Where the hell can I find a coin? Damn it.

Sunday, July 17

So this is my meeting with faith! So many times I've asked myself "WHY!?" why feelings were never returned, why I never was the lucky one in love, why 'he' never wanted me. I went through the worst guys with heartaches and high hopes. When I met Christian I was certain that this was just another stupid heartaching crush. This is faith kicking me across the leg laughing in my face, asking me if I can handle what I thought I wanted.

I met up with Christian last night, by the lake. We walked around a bit, talked, joked, nothing serious. When we walked down the dark paths, I held him close, cause I was frankly quite scared. We found the church and the cemetary. Outside of the church in our town, there's a small lawn going up hill. We went to lie down next to each other. I laugh a lot when I lie down. And my laugh turns funny. We had a blast, we were joking!

"Yeah, I got chicks lying all around me! So what I'm in a cemetary!?"
- a classic...

We lay there for a couple of hours. I tickled him- he's extremely ticklish. He held my hands to prevent me from tickling him. I held his hands to the ground and kissed him.
I started laughing... Yeah yeah, I know, pretty stupid, but I did. I came to think of a joke we had. I kissed him again... laughed. I think I laugh because I'm nervous. I'm not sure. We started walking again. We walked and walked till we reached the place we kissed for the first time. We walked down the main street of the town and found a bench. We held each other... We then walked some more and found a private lawn. We started talking about us.

The pros and cons. How we were doubting.. but acting like a couple.

What we should do..

We never found a conclusion. Now I don't even know what I want.

I went home at 6.05.. Went to work at 7.00. I'm as good as dead.

Saturday, July 16

I am a great kisser, says Christian. <3

I miss him. <3

He wants to kiss again. <3

I now miss him even more. <3

Friday, July 15

I can't blame him. It must be dead-irritating to meet someone as perfect as me, when you're just getting ready to have the time of your life in 3.g. Nor can I blame myself. I mean, look at him. How can one not immediately fall for him?

We went drinking last night. Ohh... I'm so sorry. The memories are just still flowing around and I'm this little ballet-dancer dancing on a pink cloud. I never tried this before. I've never been this crazy about a person before... Christian, oh Christian.

I solved my dilemma, anyways. I followed my drunken heart. Mostly because of everything Christian said to me during that night, but also because I was drunk- and my mind wasn't working. I had forgotten to count that in my speculations. We kissed.

<3 <3 SHE'S FADING AWAY AWAY FROM THIS WORLD LIFTED LIKE A FEATHER SHE'S NOT LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS <3

Don't worry, I didn't just start kissing him. I investigated the situation a whole lot. I told him about my dilemma, how I didn't want to loose that piece of dignity, how I didn't want to risk anything, but how badly I wanted to kiss him. I asked him if he "just didn't mind" or if he "really wanted to." He said that he really, really wanted. He said he'd NEVER toy with me nor my emotions. He said he'd thought about it A LOT. He considered not doing it, because he was afraid I'd misunderstand it and then get hurt. And he really really didn't want to hurt me. AWWWWWW, isn't it just the SWEETEST THING you've ever heard?

<3 Anyways, last night- We drank a bit at Christian's place, him, Andreas and me. Peter wanted to come over to get his sleeping bag... Oh God, I almost forgot about Peter. He said he wanted to talk- earlier I had written a message to him saying that I wanted to explain. I had been drinking before, but I still managed to talk to Peter. I explained to him how lousy I had been feeling and simply just.. Anyways, it doesn't really matter. I just wanted to get back inside. Andreas went outside to talk to Peter, and became sober.

When he came back in; we went to the gasstation. Of course- Andreas then wanted to go home, cause all of a sudden he had to do some gardening work the next day. I didn't bother to convince him to stay. Christian did, but soon gave up. Christian and I went alone to the beach. It was so dark, so dark on the path towards it. I couldn't see a thing. I was clutching to Christian like he was some kind of rag doll. We reached the beach. We sat there, both determined to be romantic and see the sunset. The sun just wouldn't set. We started talking about us. I love his honesty. He explained to me once more, how he just wanted to live his wild life in 3.g and therefor didn't want a relationsship. I said to him, that I didn't want him to choose the relationsship but me. And if he really was in love, he wouldn't doubt a second. He replied,
"That's my problem! Cause you're so hot and sweet..."


He wanted to say some more, but we were interrupted, I think. He said to me how sweet I was, how nice, fantasticamazincredible I was. I told him the same... He was so concerned for me. Did I mention that he thinks I'm hot? Hot being the exact word he used. Poor thing, he's probably thought more about this than I!

People arrived at the beach, though it was in the middle of the night. We went back through the dark, dark woods and reached another path. We followed it, because Christian knew this romantic place. We found it- wasn't nearly as romantic, as we couldn't face each other. I was afraid to face him- if I was afraid that he'd kiss me or that I'd kiss him, I'm not sure. I changed from skirt to pants.
Later, Christian commented,

"THAT I remember! Thank God! I'd be gay if I didn't!"


Wee... Hehe. We walked on. Notice that we were still quite drunk. I held his hand as we found our way down to the Culture Park of my town. It's one big lawn with giant rock-artsy stuff on. We sat down by one of the statues and started talking again. We made fun of old people, drank vodka and just talked. Somehow and of some weird reason, we moved to the other side of the statue- facing, NOT the old people's homes, but a path, a wood, a hill and the sunset. I stood leaned against the statue and he was kinda walking restlessly back and forward. Out of the blue, he looks at me and says,

"Damn, you're hot!"


He quickly started apologising and asking me to forget about it. We talked about that damn kiss again. I told him to "GET A GRIP!" meaning he should just kiss me. I kept saying that I had an advantage, as I was a girl and wasn't obligated to start. Heehee. <3>Him: you haven't misunderstood it now, have you?
Me: Yes, I have.
Him: Noooo!!! Don't do that!!
Me: Don't worry, of course I haven't.
Him: Then I couldn't possibly be happier right now.

Aww... We walked through the city to find a watch. We did and were told that it was 6 oclock in the morning. We went to my bakery to get some breakfast. We bought some carrot-bicuits. We were turning sober again. We went to his place, because I had my bike and phone there. We decided to watch 'Monty Python and the search for the holy grail' or something like that. I was so sleepy and tired that I fell asleep-
- with my arms wrapped around him, my head resting on his chest. He had his arms tightly wrapped around me. Now, this is what I remember the most. While he thought I was asleep, he kissed my on my forehead. Like, can you HEAR the crowd go "AWWWWWWWW!!!" ?

When I woke up again, we talked a bit... I was so tired, I could barely stay up. But I didn't want to leave him. I did, though. It was 9.30 when I came home. I slept till 1. With fond, fond memories..

So did I feel like I lost my dignity? With Christian, I cannot loose dignity. He gives me a strenght, a self-confidence, a faith in myself. How can I possibly loose dignity by kissing that sweet, sweet boy?

Hot, hot Sofie signing off. xxx

Wednesday, July 13

I spent the night with Christian. As romantic, sexual and intimate that sounds, it's not likely to be. All we did was to talk- I was severly tired. I had his leg up upon mine and I was playing with it, cuddling it, tickeling him. He's very ticklish. Andreas went home around 2 oclock. We finally let him go, after 1 hour of trying to convince him to stay. He's craving the attention and it's driving me crazy. He DESPERATELY seeks for our approval and our compliments. I'm so sick of it.

Somehow he manages to throw it into every conversation I have with him. I can't stand it. I knew he'd try to back out of tomorrow night, where we were supposed to be drinking with Christian. I knew it. I refuse to give him compliments, just to make him come, if he's gonna feel shitty about it. That method works so much better than if I had just kissed his ass.

Monday, July 11

I thought I could get out of this, but I can't. I have to think about what Linda told me. See, I asked her. I explained the Christian situation to her. She was being very steady. She said that he was toying with my emotions and that I should get over him and definitely NOT kiss him.
It pains me so much to think of Christian as... as a player! He's not, I mean, he's fantasticamazincredible! But... I am his toy. Argh, goddamnit. One good thing came from asking Linda, though. I realised that I'd rather kiss him than NOT kiss him... I'm so much in doubt.
"I've always had a problem with food and it shows." I said. His reply was breathtaking;
"No it can't, and you're obviously better looking that you seem to think!"


I chatted to Christian last night. It didn't last the usual 6½ hour, but I think we reached 5½. It's just crazy. First we were just talking regularly, then I kept hinting that I should come over soon to see that movie. He's not stupid, he knows my hints. I refuse to get his. At last he said to me,

"Ok, let's get just one thing straight. It's obvious that you're... interested in me! Would you still come over, if you knew there was no chance of a relationsship?"


Using many words, not very well written, I tried to tell him that I didn't want the relationsship, I wanted him. I'm just not sure it came through. Anyways, he said that then he was available all week. He said he just didn't want me to have my hopes all set and then get terribly dissapointed. Gee, what a nice thought.
Later, I asked him to explain the joke about kissing and making out for two hours straight, cause I was confused. He said it was "meant somewhat as fun". But he made clear that he still didn't mind kissing. At some point, when the oppertunity comes again; I'll ask him if he doesn't mind - or actually wants to. I don't want him to do it "just because the oppertunity is there".. I want him, not to want the kiss, but to want to kiss me. If this makes any sense.
We set up another drinking-date. I'll MURDER Andreas if he thinks he won't show up.

I still haven't decided whether to actually kiss Christian or not. I'm letting it all depend on what he answers, when I ask him; "Do you just not mind kissing me, or do you really want to?"

The hog also said to me; you'll miss too much in life, if you stop to think.
I thought that settled it all, but I'm still not certain. It's still BRAIN vs. HEART. The struggle continues.

I think we may have passed the line towards becoming friends. We're friends now... Not potential anything. Later in our conversation, we started talking about our pasts. I told him about my past, my bullies, my troubles back then. That was when he said the top quote.
"I've always had a problem with food and it shows." I said. His reply was breathtaking;
"No it can't, and you're obviously better looking that you seem to think!"

I told him about my weight-problem. He was being as supportive as a guy can be, and I appreciate it a lot. We talked a bit about some of his earlier issues. It felt good to talk to him like that... But the whole night had been ruined a bit my the mentioning of my serious LACK OF CHANCES with him. Yet, I still don't feel like giving up.

I really really really really really really really hope Mette will come tuesday night, when we're going to drink again. Ohhh, I hope!

Oh, bonus... Guess what. Christian is considering joining the international army or something like that. He wants to be a soldier... Uniform and everything. Uhh. Soldier boyfriend. Uhh. I mean, I'm a girl who gets turned by any kind of uniform. McDonalds? Bring it on! ;-)

Sunday, July 10

A certain someone once wrote in his blog that he couldn't stand people who wrote about their grocery shopping sprees. I am so glad he doesn't read my blog, cause then he'd get upset over this next part.

I went to buy some shampoo in Fakta. That's nothing big, actually. When I went to the cash register, there was a man in front of me in line, using the credit card machine. Suddenly, it went out of order, and we had to wait till it reloaded. The whole store was quiet for those 10 seconds. It was nice. No one were stressed or panicked. We were all just waiting patiently. The summer weather and mood is over Denmark now. That's very nice.

Saturday, July 9

Marv: I'll stare the bastard in the face as he screams to God, and I'll laugh harder when he whimpers like a baby. And when his eyes go dead, the hell I send him to will seem like heaven after what I've done to him.
-Sin City-
Oh, let's see... Right! Christian...
I want to forget him completely, just so that I can save him as a good memory. So far nothing has gone wrong and I really, really can't take it if it goes wrong.
As much as I want that, I want to be with him 24/7. Just like Aerosmith's "I don't want to miss a thing".
I want to just get a grib of myself, but I know I'm complete right now.
Our relationsship has no roles I can relate to! Christian and I, we're not slave/master, boyfriend/girlfriend, we're not friends, we're just... well, normal. We're not friends in a girly way, where we talk about feelings. We're not friends in a boy'ish way, where we just kinda give a shit about each other.
If I go to his place and kiss him. Then what?
Will it ruin anything?
Will it improve anything?
Will it make him look at me like some kind of.. slave? toy?
And what if I don't do it, if I push him away... Will he think I'm afraid? That I'm just taking the piss on him?
I don't want to become FRIENDS FRIENDS with him, cause then you're too much of a friend to let it turn into a relationsship. But do I really want a relationsship?
"Sofie, boys CAN NOT become friends after they've been boyfriends!"
Then I'm not sure I want to risk Christian.
If I was sad to loose Peter, whom I had no feelings towards, then how will I feel if I loose Christian?
My heart just wants to do it! Kiss him when I get the chance, take one day at a time and just take the heartbreak if/when it comes.
But my brain, my sanity, just wants to control myself a bit. I have the posibility to, for the first time, to feel a bit.. worthy?
If I tell Christian to BACK OFF - when I really want him more than ANYONE in the world right now - and just leave... I'll feel so proud and collected. Yet, so so so so so so so so so sooooo stupid.

The best ballads tell me to follow my heart, go with my instincts, live my life, not look back, be free. But how can one argue with your sanity - the one I'm almost loosing?

Friday, July 8

I think I started digging a hole in my past, because I wanted to discover that things would have been different if I hadn't moved to Farum. I have now realised that I've been so awfully wrong. I spoke to Valdemar, who has gained an awful lot of weight. He was my first crush. In 0. grade, I would force him to kiss me. He complained and told the teachers, but they just found it cute. He had the cutest smile I yet have ever seen. He wasn't slim, but he was fit. I loved him till 3rd grade, when boys became disgusting. Now, his display picture on MSN is him sitting with loadsa beers in front of him. He gave me Jonas' email. Jonas was still brown haired skinny kid, who was a ladies friend, sweet and funny. We played a lot with each other till the day I moved. I didn't even remember his sudden rage attacks until today. I wrote him on MSN. He was obviously drunk. But he was alone... I asked him for a picture. He said he was fat and blocked me. Then he unblocked me, said he hated himself and wanted to get more drunk, and said I should fuck him. The picture on his MSN display shows that he's still that skinny boy.

Everything between Christian and I have changed. I don't know what the hell has happened- I guess he's just realised how damn fantasticamazincredible I am. Heh. We chatted on MSN last night for almost 7 hours. About everything and nothing. We discovered the meaning with life, and we made our very own little joke... which is apparently serious. I'm as confused as I have ever been before.
It started when I teased him, for fun. He said "let's just kiss and make up :'("
I said "okay" and we continued talking. From then on, everytime we disagreed or something like that, we would say "let's kiss and make up!"
Eventually that became "let's kiss and make out!" and we came to the conclusion that the average SNOG would last 5 minutes. At the end we had reached 17, and were to kiss for 1,5 hour. I thought of it as a joke, but I could tell that he was... hmm... Not very joking about it.
Now, today, we've talked about as.. As we're actually planning on snogging eventually ! ! !
He said something that sticks to me - I don't know what to think about it!
"Snogging does no harm! no relationsship until the end of 3.g (his class, ed.), but snogging is fine."
I feel like throwing my hands in the air screaming "WHAT!?"
Thoughts-
- he can't just expect me to wait for so long- or wait at all!
- yay!
- Does he like me or not? He either wants me or he doesn't!
- Goddamnit, I can't find a boyfriend at my new school, cause I'll always know that Christian is available by the end of next year!
- yaaaaay...
- He must be unaware that he's toying with my emotions !

I can't mix these emotions, so it leads to confusion! BIG TIME!

Naja, PP, Andy, Christian and I are meeting tomorrow to have a tiny drink and hang out... But oh, Christian said he didn't want to kiss at a party. And he thought that +3 was a party. I'm considering letting out some people... aherm. Hehe.
Andreas doesn't want to talk about it. He just sweeps me underneath a blanket. Psh. I don't care.

I did some over-all counting. I'm gonna make about 3000 kr. by the end of this month, with all the hours I've taken at the bakery. Yay.

Oh which reminds me... Christian finally visited me at my job! He ordered his "Russel Crowe" and "Rum-testicel" and I pretended it wasn't a shock to hear him order. Whatever. I blushed, shivered and I felt my heart beating so hard that I was afraid it would crush my ribs! I haven't felt that kiddy since 5th grade or when I saw LasseFrom in Roskilde once. It was so weird.

Another thing.. I usually say "Oh oh oh" when I suddenly think of something I forgot. Everytime I said it last night, Christian commented that it was a "kinky" and "naughty" sound. Heh. Well, that is what I am.

YESSIR !

Thursday, July 7

Meaning with life

By Sofie H and Christian C:

Kiss and make out.
http://photobucket.com/albums/b158/fantasticamazingincredible/Andreas%20050705/
You can find the rest of the pictures here.

Wednesday, July 6

-A drunken night Photoshoot-
- By Sofie

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
The guys. In the red we have Andreas. Guy in black is Andreas' brother Kasper.. Ladies and gentlemen in pure white, we have Christian.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
... And they love me.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
We got more drunk...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
... And we loved each other more.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
We did commercials for the baker I work in.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
I got more drunk.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
We went to the gasstation. This is Kasper eating his last french frie before he throws up.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
... And we still wonder why!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Liquor dissappears...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Some of us falls asleep.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
<3 The rest of us choses to stay up ;-)
I've been staring at this blank page forever now. I have no idea how to start this. I guess it's just taking it from the beginning. Yesterday was Andreas' birthday. He loved my present - he was overwhelmed. We met up at Christian's place that night, with loadsa loadsa alchohol! We quickly got drunk, but could've been more drunk, all of us. "We" were Kasper (Andreas' brother), Christian, Andreas and me. Well, we went to the gasstation - without Andreas, as he didn't want to, and bought cola and stuff.

"We've licked it!" said Christian to the little group of guys sitting by the gasstation, and licked the top of his beer-can, before he went in.


On our way home, Kasper went to buy some fries and threw up because of that. Eww...

We came home and Andreas was sitting by the computer crying. I was too drunk to get myself together, so I went to the bathroom, and when I came back he said he was alright again. He had just been overwhelmed with emotions as he had been talking to Peter and Ida's friend Bebz.

I took him to the bathroom to talk about it. He said he wanted to and he needed it. I believe that Ida is a nice girl. I think she is the greatest and I think she'd be perfect for him. But I don't think he's in love with her. I think he's in love with the crush and with the possibility of a relationsship. He fell for her before he got to know her proberly. I know how it feels to fall in love with a crush instead of the girl. I'm sure that's what he's doing. I think he needs to be in love with someone to show people that he can love and that he has love and can give it.
I didn't tell him this, but I did ask if I could call Ida. I could and I did. I asked her how she felt about him on a scale from 1-10, where 10 was boyfriend and 1 was enemy..and 5 was friend. She said 5 quickly. I was very, very polite towards her (surprisingly, as I was drunk!) and said thanks and turned off the phone. I said to Andreas that that was it. 5 was his answer. The sooner he realises it, the better. He was sad. Then we kissed. I found it a bit akward. He said to me that that night on the madrass, he'd wanted to kiss. I said that I knew it and I explained why I hadn't kissed him. We kissed... I'm not sure how I feel about it. I pushed him away to ask him some stupid question, mostly to stop him from kissing me. Somehow I felt used. No, I really felt very used. I don't feel good about it, though I was the one who made up the rule; "Friends can kiss and do everything but having sex."
Comes around, goes around, Sofie - Learn it!

I started talking to Andreas about Christian. I said to him that since he'd blown it all with Ida, I wanted to ruin it between Christian and I as well. I said to Andreas that he had to give me ONE minute, then I'd go in and kiss Christian. I turned on my Countdown on on my phone and walked into Christian's room, where he was playing computer.

me: Hurry, we don't have much time! What would you do if I started snogging you? Or, just kissed you?
him: Uhh... Keep playing?
me: Come on, we don't have much time!
him: I don't mind kissing, I just don't want a relationsship!
me: Me neither. How much would it ruin?
him: nothing.
me: Ok. I'll be right back then.. *Grabs beer off table* I'll be needing this.


And I walked back to Andreas. We chatted a bit. I never got to kiss Christian, though I had the whole night with him. Andreas went to sleep and so did his brother. Christian and I was stuck togther, both awake and partly drunk. We went to the gasstation again... Don't remember why.

We went back to his computer. We just surfed the internet.. We fought over it. :-)
We were actually very physical! We held hands at one time, because he wanted to control the computer mouse. Then I said; "All right, if I let you hold my hand for 20 seconds, I'll be happy to control the mouse for you."
He started counting; "one, two, three, four, five, six... oh, where was I? oh well... one, two, three, four, four, four, four, four, four..."
I'm one big smile on legs right now, I tell ya. We just sat and held hands for an eternity, till we stopped, well, du'h.
He has this thing with his leg, he shivers it! Like when your foot lands on a nerve and the whole leg just jumps. He does that. I kept pressing it down, to make it stop. I was too tired to do it proberly, so I actually just held his leg.
"You like it!" he said. Hehe.... Yes, I do.
He would take my hands to remove them from the keyboard... Then I started playing with his hair, because.. Uhh.. I don't really remember. Then he started playing with mine - for a damn long time. My hair was a mess in the end. I'm on cloud 9 right now... Woooshhh... Flyyyying on the wings of looooove... lol.

A classic Christian-joke is this.
anyone: Oh my god!
Christian: Just call me Christian.

Heh. I said to myself that I would regret not having kissed Christian, but then again, I haven't regretted. It'll come one day.

me to him at one point: It's ok. You need time to realise that I'm THE ONE. It's ok. Take your time.
He laughed. I also did the "Don't worry, I have that effect on loadsa guys!" to everything he said that was misunderstandable. He likes me. Not in the correct way. But I'll live. 33 days left... It doesn't seem like much.

Tuesday, July 5

"Never say goodbye.
The best are the things you don't appreciate."

That stood on a guy's shirt last night. I remember it especially, because it pretty much sums up my life right now. Think about it; if you start appreciating things, they're no longer the best things. It's an endless circle.

Fyn is great. Fyn is the little island in the middle of Denmark, which consists of three large parts. Jylland, Fyn and Sjælland. I live on Sjælland and my grandmother lives on Fyn. I used to live there. I went there last week. I hate Ib, my socalled grandfather. I hate him so much. I won't regret hating him, cause he deserves every bit of my hate.

What has happened.. I haven't written for what, 9 days?! It's crazy. I've missed it so much. I went home from Fyn last friday, and our internet has been out of order till today.

Today is Andreas' 17th birthday! I'll make sure to take some great pictures of tonight, where we hopefully will get very drunk! Hehe. With Christian... Maybe Johan, but Johan doesn't like me, so - whatever. I bought Andreas a birthday present yesterday. I spent 400kr on him! 300,- on three shirts, with different texts on them - "Bush Stinks", "Noia - Suspecting people" and "Wanna *picture-of-a-screw*". I also bought him a drinking game with some shot-glasses to match. And a card that says "What if I didn't have you!"which I wrote a letter to him on last night. I ended it with "I love you, I want to marry you and I want to have your babies." Hehe. I haven't fallen for him, cause he's my best friend. If I fell for him, he couldn't be my best friend and he's the best best friend you can wish for.

I met up with him Saturday night. We watched "Mr and Mrs Smith" at Christian's place and then walked home together. Where the road went its seperate ways, we found a bench and sat down. We started talking. I told him about my EXTREME jealousy towards Ida. He didn't understand me, maybe he didn't want to understand. Before we ended up in some kind of conclusion or discussion, Martinez and his dear friend Henrik came walking by - both very drunk.
March 26th:
#1. there was, of course, how i continously shook martinez' friend (also named henrik)'s hand and said "hi, i don't think we've met.".. i also did that to several others. many times.


That friend... He was very very very goodlooking, and he actually brought my confidence up a bit. Martinez and Henrik saw Andreas and I and Martinez went crazy. He was laughing and teasing and hinting and etc etc. I made jokes about being a prostitute, having strange sex-fetishes, being a virgin (though Martinez strongly objected, heh) and being a CT nerd. Henrik's eyes lit up and he went "Really?? You're a nerd?" as if he'd found the woman of his dreams. Jaysus. Hehe. But he was very nice looking.