Tuesday, May 17

I'm so hysterically glad I have Leah right now. We're going through the same thing. I don't talk that much to her, because Peter is always around, but I know she's there and that she understands me. I did something terrible, but what's terrible about it is not the act in itself, it's more the fact that I don't regret it. At all, actually.
I kissed Andreas. I was drunk, he was very drunk. I wanted to do it. Still I have no feelings for him at all, but I wanted to kiss him and I did. I dragged him to the bathroom and kissed him. Since then he's been extraordinarily happy. If what I did was extremely bad or just very bad, I'm not sure, but I don't believe in regretting. I haven't spoken to Andreas about it, but I know he remembers.
So I've now also tried having my first affair. I don't plan on being with Peter for another week to come. I spoke to him last night about my feelings. I made him cry. Now I know how Leah must have felt. Even though I don't have any feelings towards him; it still hurts to see him cry. I felt tears on my cheek when he kissed me. His tears. I couldn't even force myself to cry; that careless I am.

I have to break up with him very, very soon. I'm even planning a weekend on Fyn with this guy I've never met and barely even spoken to. I'm that desperate. But he seems nice and his name is George.

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