Monday, February 14

Today was nice and easy. It's the first real day of my holiday vacation and I spent 99% of it in bed, with my duvet pulled up over the radiator. I then went shopping for food - I bought O'boy, tuna, 4,5% low fat mayo and mandarines. That was probably the most useless information you've recieved in a long time. I kinda miss Martinez, though I've forgotten about him. It's kinda strange.

Just watching "Wilbur wants to kill himself". It strikes me that it was the first movie I've spoken about in this diary. Does that mean we've come a long way, or what? Y'know, I never ever imagined that I could pull through with this diary thing. It's the first time I've really been able to keep up with a diary. That's an achievement, I guess.

Me#1: Wait a minute... Will that say that you've actually done something you can be proud of? That you're not the pathetic looser you've always told yourself you was?
Me#2: Now, now, let's not get ahead of ourselves here... Just because I can manage to keep an online diary, it doesn't mean I can keep up anything I want.
Me#1: Or does it? C'mon, girl. You're gorgeous, kind and warm-hearted. You can do this fucking diet!
Me#2: Gee, I wonder who holds the ego here.
Me#1: Somebody's jealous, I guess. No worries, dear. You're gonna wake up tomorrow, eat your veggies, drink some water and let O'boy be your only comfort. Your last comfort. You don't need food to stay strong. You got everything! A nice room, music, a computer, imagination, love for movies and the best fucking duvet in the entire world!
Me#2: You're right and I should know that, but... I'll forget all that tomorrow.
Me#1: Only if you let yourself forget it. Give it a go! Use music as your inspiration! And write... Write till your fingers bleed.
Me#2: We can do this! We can!
Jay McGraw: That's more like it!
*Me#1 & Me#2 punches Jay McGraw*

I don't know what's going on in my head sometimes.

I miss Henry and Linda so much! They've been to Barry Feehily's house today - or well, Linda has - she rang the doorbell and Barry answered. She handed over my gift (1 bag of candy + my Mark song) and asked him to give it to Mark! He said he'd do it. Damn it, I love Linda so much! They're so cool... Henry also called me last night several times to let me hear the concert. It was great. I was so depressed yesterday, cried so much, and that just made me smile for the first time. It was great. Lise called me Saturday and let me hear.
I want to go with them the next time, I really do.

Lea* and Pumba are throwing a birthday party on the 4th of March.. damn it, Martinez will be there - jealous, drunk and ready for blowjobs and the whole lot - while I'm in Copenhagen for a The Ark concert. Oh, I could even have brought my brother... haha, imagine that. Hm, no. I don't even think I'll be seeing much of Tobias.. Maybe once, and that will be at my sisters birthday party... But he'll be too busy doing God-knows-what with God-knows-who. No matter how much I'll need him.

Anyways, I have to write an english essay about whatever I want. What, though? Something imaginary. How about... someone who dies and has to reflect on his life. What did he do wrong? What did he do right? Suicide, perhaps? I'll figure it out. Ideas are very welcome.

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