Sunday, January 23

I'm not that tired, for the first time since Tuesday, and yet, I wish I was. I really wish I was. I'm so bored. I'm ready to go to bed, but it's only 9.30, and I can't possible fall asleep now. What is a girl to do? Write her diary.

I don't know how I feel about Martinez anymore. He keeps writing me and that makes me smile a bit. Lea and I agreed that he might be more immature than we really think he is. Afraid of commitment and all that stuff. I wish he would tell me that and I wish he'd open up more. Who am I kidding? He's forgotten about me the second we leave the school. I won't have forgotten about him. I'll probably still be obsessing about him at that time, and do everything in my power to remind him of me. Then I'll slowly let him slip away, say hi to him at very rare occasions, and then at last completely forget about him. When I then see him, I'll wrinkle my forehead and think back. I'll realise that he hasn't moved a bit from where he was then to where he is now. Then I'll smile at him, say "Hi Martinez" and walk past him, shaking my tiny Miss Universe 2015 ASS and make him sink to the ground, where he'll drown in his own mixture of snot and tears he's been crying, because he blew his chance when he had it.

Where was I?

I spoke to Merete... I'm sad that we may never be that close again. I was so stupid letting her go, cause she really was a good, good friend. Now we'll talk talk every once in a while about the highlights of the week or month. Things will never be the same again.

15 minutes has passed now. I write too fast.

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