Wednesday, November 3

The worst way

"The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them."

I could really have lived without today. Then again, I'm grateful for every second of it. I sat 'round the table, chit-chatting to Lea, when Martinez came over. Lea asked, casually, what he was doing tomorrow, cause we could all get together to watch 'Brother Bear'.
"Uh, I think I'm going to be with my girlfriend." he said, as if it was the most natural and not-that-heartbreaking thing to say. I didn't cry. I froze and frowned. Lea and him started talking about this girlfriend of his, but I refused to listen. I snapped at him all the time. And why? Is Lasse really better than Martinez? When Lasse told me about Rollo, I cried my eyes out, and they weren't even dating, not even close. Or do I just not know Martinez well enough to hate him for loving someone else?
I don't want to know her name, and I definitely don't want to see her picture. I thought his way of acting cheap, asking for blowjobs (joking, of course) all the time, was a way of proving his insecurities. I thought it was a way for him to try to score, maybe. I guess I was wrong. That makes his jokes annoying.
Anyways, we reached German class and I sat down beside him (on purpose), I still want to be close to him. And I was. We read of the same paper, and we sat very close. In between, we joked. I threw his hat away, he asked if I would lick his balls (he is a joker, please try to understand his weird sense of humor!) and I said "What do I get?".. He said "A kiss on the cheek."
For a second I thought to myself, what wouldn't I do for a kiss?
My thoughts are racing through my mind, it's awful. Why have I come to care so much for this beast of a guy? A 17year old guy who speaks of nothing but sex, tits n arse.
Is it all just a figure of my imagination? Can I be angry at Martinez for having a girlfriend? It's not like I own him, shite, he doesn't even know how I feel. He's not to know. Definitely.
It went wrong with Mehmet, Casper and Lasse. Why should it go right with Martinez - who happens to also have a girlfriend?

What is it with this guy that makes it impossible for me to concentrate during German class?

We got our report cards back today. I got two 11s, 2 7s and some other numbers, which I don't remember. It went well, I have upgraded myself from last year, which is okay. I got to blurt out my thoughts to some of the girls, about my mum not caring. Amalie understood me, which was a nice feeling.

I don't think there was much else happening today, the whole Martinez-thing just filled my mind all the time. I can't believe I snapped at him! Wrong way to go!

"Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful."

Comments on "The worst way"


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (17:08) : 

Hey Sofie, its Tash
I dont really know what to say chick, if i had the advice i would have taken it myself a year ago :( I know how you're feeling though..and it will get easier. A year ago i thought i couldnt live without my bloke, now i realise i have to. I'll never stop loving him but i've learnt to live without him :(
But things change in time..who knows what the future holds?
Either here if you wanna talk *hugs*



Blogger Splat* said ... (17:32) : 

Hey Tash! <3
Thanks for replying and reading, it means a lot. The same goes out to you, if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you. I don't know. I need to know what the guy is thinking, before I start making decisions. But thanks an awful lot!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (18:25) : 

Hi Sofie!
tis Maria

dunno what to say... MEN!! grrrrrr
when i was in school i used to have the same problem... nothing really happened cos the guy i fancied fancied my best mate.... but we are still mates and i guess thats better than nothing eh!
hugs n LUUURVE!!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (18:26) : 

Hey Sof... Just wanna say that I know how ya feel, but ya already know that... All i can say is that it will get better, and that he is not worth it... But you know how it is over at my place at the moment, so what I'm i to say....
Lov uncover


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