Monday, November 1


It's awful, I know, but I am craving food today. I ate a bag of candy (I borrowed money from Martinez) and am now craving a Coca Cola light. Fortunately, it's not the worst I could eat. It's only the sugar that will get to me. And now I wonder why I eat when I know it will only harm me in the end. I have to stop accompany myself with food all the time.

Martinez looked drop-dead-gorgeous today, tho. He wore a light brown hood, which hid his hair. He looked really, really hot. Even though I try to avoid the word "hot".

I still don't get him. I want him to understand, so badly, what I have gone through and what I am going through still, with my weight problems. Then again, who am I to talk about problems, I have every chance of getting thinner, and yet I just bought a bag of candy. I think he wants to make things easy. He doesn't like complicated things. I bet his world isn't complicated. When things get hard, he protests and gets mad. So for him, loosing weight should be the least of a person's worries. Why he continously tease B., I don't know. Perhaps he really doesn't mean what he says. Perhaps he just wants to make me laugh? Please, let that be the reason.

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