Sunday, November 28

So much to say, but where do I start, would you listen if I spoke from the heart?
Wednesday: Met Brian once at the airport. He was very, very nice. I got my picture taken with him, but it was shit, because the flash was off. We followed him to the hotel, but didn't get to meet him once more.
Thursday: At the hotel, at Burger King, at Radio 100FM - in and out - at the hotel - in and out, at Zulu Awards, at the interview with him, at the hotel a few times, etc. etc.
It was crazy. He was always very nice. I totally fell for his guitarist, Chris Leonard <3. He was so nice. Friday morning, I said goodbye to McFadden and hello to Westlife. It took us hours finding their hotel, but it turned out to be the same old, same old. At the hotel, there was 26 girls and more kept coming, so we knew we couldn't meet them a lot. 3-4 times I think. Mark was so gorgeous and I'm still planning our future with house and kids. Hehe. I met Mark the next morning at the airport, but the others got away.
Saturday night I was with Ida. We had fun, we watched Zulu Awards and stuff.
What else? The best thing? Of course the interview with Brian, it was amazing, he was so nice. He read my song! The next morning he said to me, while taking a picture with a girl,
"We had a laugh over your song last night!"
The best thing he could ever tell me. I'm so happy everytime I think of it. God bless Brian McFadden.


Wednesday, November 24

'What has she been upto?' you all ask yourselves with excitement in your voices. The answer is nearer than you think. The last two days I did nothing. Tuesday I showed up at Lasse's train station and he wasn't there and never showed up. I skipped school and went to visit Eva instead. I was home around 12 and just lazy'd the rest of the day. Next day, which is today, I skipped school as well, as it is not really school but a local TV station - deadly boring, although the station is trying to get me a Westlife interview. That would be nice, I think. Tomorrow I'm interviewing Brian McFadden. I could tell you time and place, but who would want to know that? Now, THAT would be bragging.
About bragging - Sophie, sorry, if I seem a bit 'placed on a cloud'. I just rock the world, hun. No, of course I'm only joking.
From 7 till 7.30 I'll be seeing Martinez and I can't wait. I told him yesterday that I wouldn't show up if he didn't. He was very rude, but I kinda didn't care.
Stress will get to me eventually. I swear.
Tomorrow is Carrys birthday. I must remember. I must remember!

Sunday, November 21

Martinez wrote me just now. My MSN name was "Love is like being kicked in the head?!" quoting 'Ain't that a kick in the head'.. And he wrote me "Who's kicked you in the head?".. We chatted a tiny bit, back and forth. He asked if I was exercising today and I said no. But he was. Very meaningless conversation, but at least he still knows who I am. Andreas has helped my computer against tons of spyware, thank you Andreas!!

Saturday, November 20

Today I went shopping with Henry. We bought a lot of things, and I spent over 800kr. I bought two shirts, two thongs, a bra (vertical striped, hehe), cleansing-stuff, earrings, lipgloss and a necklace with the appropriate print "STAR".. I so rule. I know got 300 left and I owe Henry 95,-.. I'll have to buy a little something for Brian aswell, and then I might buy the hat I've wanted. Do I love shopping? Like, yeah!
I found a way to Ishoj, so that I can go over Glostrup and go with the same train as Lasse. It's actually the best route I could go, so life's just perfect. Not that I think it will do wonders for our relationsship, those 9 minutes, but hey. It must help a bit.
Martinez - he's like dead to me. Doesn't write, doesn't ring, doesn't anything. I'm almost forgetting about him. Anyways, it's the weekend. Remember last weekend? I was so low, because I thought I didn't have a chance. I don't.
Oh well. European MGP is soon to be on.

Friday, November 19

Not that Charlie Simpson isn't hot, and I adore their music, but do not ever buy me their live CD. I ended my internship at Urban today, with the knowledge of an Brian and Ronan interview next week - and may I add: I fucking rule - and 5 CDs. I got Ronan's Greatest hits, of course, I got Brian's new one (doesn't come out till 29th) and then I got Busted Live, Daniel Bedingfield's new one and Blue's greatest hits. I also rang Ishoj about the Westlife stuff next friday. "Sure, I bet we'll be able to do that." they said. Like, do I rock the world, or something? Imagine. 3 interviews in a week. I'll die at the same time I'll get a reason to live. It's so cool.
Lasse, Lea and I wrote together last night. Lasse was kind. So handsome, I think. He was actually nice to me, despite the fact that he said to Lea that it was "okay" to go to school with me and I was "a bit cool". A bit, Lasse? I rock the world! He promised me to come visit me Monday, if he could afford it. You think he will actually do it? Nah.
My bigbrother and his girlfriend. Lovely, isn't it?
What else? Not so much. Oh yeah: I fucking rule.

Thursday, November 18

Am a bit too cool today. I feel superior. Nice feeling. Cause - let's face the facts:
  • Monday: Movie pre-premier.
  • Tuesday: Ronan Keating interview (cancelled, but still.)
  • Wednesday: My very own 2PAGED article.
  • Thursday: Meet @ 12. Do nothing. Get interview with McFadden.
  • Friday: Movie premier in Cinemaxx.

Tell me, oh tell me. Why am I so cool? I know, I know. Cause I was born that way. I fucking rule.

Martinez knows that. He wrote me today. I was busy, hehe, so I didn't exactly have a deep conversation with him. We came to the conclusion that he was a superhero - whos special power was to bully other superheroes. He's my hero, still. I still adore him. Am still proud of him. Sigh. Love sucks gigant butt.

Did I tell you that I'm interviewing Brian? I did, didn't I? I rule. I mean, seriously, I'm too above everyone else to even write this blog. I will go now and not return ever again (till tomorrow that is.)


Wednesday, November 17

Sorry I haven't posted for a while, but this time I'm not lying when I say I've been busy. I'm dead tired every day when I come home from the internship week at Urban, and as I've been writing all day, the last thing I want is to write even more. Yet, I still need to do 3 diary pages for the last 3 days.
I'm writing on my "Boyband For Beginners" - a Boyband recipe. It's very fun to do, but the computer can wreck my nerves. It's giving me a headache. People are so nice, though.
The Ronan interview failed. We showed up at the hotel, me all make-upped, and they said it had been cancelled, because a relative of Ronan was ill or dead or something. It's such a shame, but they say he'll call me tomorrow and I can do the interview then. Hey, who else can honestly say that Ronan Keating is going to call them? This is my dream job, I'm never leaving Urban.
Brian McFadden. My idol, my star, my hero, my one and only, my baby - we're destined to be together, says Carry. If everything goes by the plan, I can interview him next week. Hold your breaths - I am.
Not heard a word from Martinez, on the other hand I [censuret pga. Peter!]
Going to do the dishes now. I got myself a favourite novel I'm reading. http://www.mdbell.com/novel/ it's called "Basic Beautiful Loser". Very good.

Monday, November 15

Peter called!
I'm still in shock. Lea and I chatted to him last night over the webcam, where we got down & dirty (ok, maybe not.) and we had a nice chat to him. He admitted to have a crush on her, so cute. Anyways. He just called me and asked me if I wanted to go to the Sports Club with him. He was so nice, so I wanted to be nice to him. So I invited him to Christina's Spinning #1 team tomorrow morning at 06:15. Am I being cruel? No. Peter could need a good lesson or two. Hehehe. Poor guy.
It's official. My mum doesn't care the least about me. The following conversation went on, while I coloured her curly hair.
Me: do you know Ronan Keating?
Mum: Uhm..
Me: He was a part of Boyzone. You used to like him.
Mum: Ahh...
Me: Ok, you used to not hate him.
Mum: Probably.
*Washed her hair. Afterwards*
Me: I'm interviewing him tomorrow.
*Her turning against the mirror*
Mum: Let's see if this has worked...
*Me running to her room while she's blind.*
I get this mom-feeling again. The greatest thing is happening to me and all I can think of is how much my mother simply doesn't care.
I started my internship today. The morning was awful till I met Rene at the cinema. The movie which lasted 3,5 hours was great. It was alright, I mean. I could have lived without certain scenes, certain actresses and actors, but when it comes down to whether it was good or not, I give it... * * * * **
The rest of the day went well. I was told that tomorrow I'm doing a Ronan Keating interview! It's so crazy! I'm meeting Rene at the hotel and then I am interviewing the pretty genious who co-created Westlife. I'm too excited. Already scribbled down some questions. Gonna go clean up my room and listen to his CD in a bit.
Ahh, I'm so tired, you won't believe it. Yawn! And I don't even know what to wear tomorrow. Oh well. It will be alrite. I miss Martinez, though. I wonder if Ronan can kiss me instead? I think not.
Reminder to myself: I fell in love with Casper to "When you say nothing at all".

Sunday, November 14

Him: I've been to McDonalds today.
Me: Where?
Him: Do you know how long Sports Club is open today?
Me: Don't know.. Gonna go around 17:30..
Him: Ok
Me: Open till 20..
*Then I change my name to:
"I could need some Martini.." which was a joke between me and the girls.*
Him: Change name.
Me: *tongue-pulling smiley*
*Changes name to: "I could need some Cola Light...?"*
Him: Better.
Me: ..! Like?!
Him: :S
Me: But what's up!?
Him: You're the one who writes useless things.
Me: That's because I want attention from you.
Him: Pas. Not gonna get it that way.
Me: Then how?
Him: By not writing anything. So at one time, I'll write you.
Me: It's hard to resist.. But okay.. I understand you surprisingly enough.. Weird conversation.. But okay.. Won't write any more..
Him: There you go. I'll write you next month. Maybe. Or we'll just see each other in school. In a month.

WEIRD!!! Like.. What the heck..! Then I meet him at Sports Club.. Gonna go mad over that boy, I swear.
Good things about me not being a multi-famous super-star: I don't have to deal with the stupid press. I won't have to worry about my clothes being wrong. I don't have to rehearse stupid song-lyrics, thank-you speeches, movie scripts or answers for interviews. I don't have to get up at five o'clock because I have to fly to another country. I won't have everyone screaming my name wherever I go. All my friends aren't stuck up celebrities. I can hang out with my friends without pictures of it ending up in the papers the next day.

Now.. Do I still want to be a multi-famous super-star?

Yes.

>IstillthinkofMartinez<

I didn't write yesterday, because I didn't have a second by the computer. I came home from Brede, where Lise lives, just one hour before I had to go to my dad's place. On the way to his place, we went by a shop and bought 2 pair of jeans in just 20 minutes. I applaud myself. They fit pretty good, so now I have to loose enough weight till they drop.

I got a phonecall from René from Urban, the reporter I'm following from tomorrow till friday. Apparently, we're going to see a movie called 'Familien Gregersen', which is - hold your breath - 3,5 hour long. Damn that's Lord of the Rings. It better be good.

I texted Martinez yesterday, somewhat hoping he'd be nice and sweet and prove my earlier suspeciouns wrong. He was completely being a bitch so I got annoyed with him. Then get him out my head now. Grr.

I came home this morning around 12. Later I'm going to spinning and afterwards to Lea's place to watch Brother Bear. Perhaps she'll invite Martinez? Probably a bad idea. Or good? Invite him to come naked, it'll be a 'long' night. Gosh, my humor drops with 50% on Sundays.

Nu er du noget, Tykke!
Mand og Partikammerat.
Og hvis vi en Dag skal til Muren,
saa er din Haand parat.
Parat til at smadre et Knojern
ind i min Mund, naar du slaar,
for nu vil du draebe, Tykke,
alle de onde Aar.

Wish me luck tomorrow.

Friday, November 12

Right now I'm sitting at Lise's place. She's gone to a musical and I'm waiting for Henriette and Linda. I have to do all the running --> probably also the best, as I'm eating candy and chocolate (bad, bad, bad..) and I'm cutting spinning tomorrow. Anyways. Fuck it.
Today, Martinez was on some kind of PMS-trip. He apparently hadn't slept all night, cause he was really cranky and remembered nothing of our blowjob-conversation last night. For the love of God last night was insane! I swear it started as a joke.. Oh never mind, it's almost embarrassing. Anyways, I was joking with him about giving him a blowjob if I could just come over.. At the end I was unsure of how serious we were, so I had to end it. Was I serious? Is he the kind I'd give a blowjob? Am I the kind to give blowjobs? *waves at whoever is reading* I swear, I'm giving this a lot of thought. Are guys so desperate, that they wouldn't care who gave them a blowjob, as long as they got one? If this happens, it'll mean I have something with Martinez, like a secret or something. It will also mean I'm cheap and I'll probably never have a chance with him, if it doesn't improve my chances. Would I do it to be with him? Probably. Does that make me disgusting? Cheap? I could ask Martinez, but I get the feeling he wants to forget about it. Well, why the hell do you think I want to come visit you alone, Martinez! Fool.
So today he was cranky. I tried not to care. Then I made him pronounce his last name. Last night I told him how sexy it was when he spoke Lithaun-language, so today when he said his last name, I went *shiver shiver*. He just smiled and tried to hide behind his jacket.
I'm talking too much of him. 4 weeks now before I see him again. I must make him invite me. I must.


Thursday, November 11

STOP! Stop me now!! Tear me away from the computer, kick me offline! I've been chatting to Martinez and he's... Ohhh stop me before I say something I shouldn't say! Okay, I think I'm safe now. He's just been so nice. It's dangerous. He knows about Sara now and how I hate her. And I've actually sent him cuts from this blog! It's dangerous now. There. I've said goodbye. Phew. I can't help myself. But I must. Arghhhh...
Martinez. I hate him so much. But in the good way. Damn it, today I played hard-to-get, but it was difficult as he wasn't around much. Then, when I sat in the couch, perfectly aware that my lap was open for him to sit on, if that was what he wanted, he came in to get his helmet. He said, "I have to go home, so I can get out."
I understood him, but still I pretended not to. He said to me "Well, my mum has made those rules."
It was as if he wanted to talk to me about it so I asked him, "But why?"
So he said "It was just for fun."
I hated and loved him at that very moment. I was puzzled so I started kicking him while laughing. He walked away, but came back later, with no purpose actually. I then asked him how he could pull such a bad joke and why. He didn't reply, he just drew a penis on his helmet. He then went home. Now I'm wondering why he did make that joke.
Janneke said that it might be because he wanted to know how I felt about him. That makes sense now. But I think he did it to make a joke, and real jokers just don't explain why they're joking.
There are two sides of this thing we have. One side says he likes me a lot and tries to hide it, etc., and the other side says that he thinks of me as of any other girl. *sigh*
I don't know, I think it's complicated.

Wednesday, November 10

Happy birthday, bitch.
Finally I've reached the age I've been claiming I've been for the past 3 years. What happens? Martinez fucks me, and not in the good way. Being a cold-hearted, selfish and blind prick, he managed to destroy my evening in some way. I'm sad, I admit it.
It went like this. I wrote him over MSN, I don't know why I did it, I just couldn't resist. I asked him what he was doing tomorrow. He said : "Gonna go exercise, but not with you."
SLAM ! right in the face. He then claimed his mother had said he couldn't be with Danish girls. Whether to believe him or not.. Oh, I don't know. It just hurt my feelings so much. It's my birthday for crying out loud, why is he like that? In school he didn't want to say hi. When I txt'd him, he didn't even break a smile. Nothing. A mumbled "Happy birthday" was all I got.
Dirk Diggler told me to forget about him.. He's helping me recover by being my play-pretend-boyfriend.. So nice of him.
I got almost 2000 kr. now.. Nice feeling..! I also got earrings and a stuffed teddy. Oh and an awful bracelet from Ib. He's doing it to punish me, I swear.
Anyways, it's getting late and I got Orange County later on and spinning tomorrow morning. May the Gods be with me.
And may Martinez' dick be superglued to his balls.

Tuesday, November 9

.. And then we hugged. I asked Lea / she asked me if I wanted to go to her place to watch Idols. When I came, it was only her and Yunous. It was fun and all, I've never really spoken to Yunous before. Then we invited Martinez... ! First came Natasia, then him. He looked gorgeous. I didn't talk to him directly. But when we said goodbye, we hugged. Oh such a tickling butterfly-feeling in my tummy. He's so sweet. Oh, and he told us about a 3some he nearly had with a girl and a guy. What can I say? The guy's creative and outgoing. Those are plusses. Right?

Very sexy

Which was best, yesterday or today, I don't know. It was amazing. Yesterday, everything was changed between Martinez and I. We spoke like we were the best of friends. He smiled, I smiled, sparks were flying everywhere, okay maybe not, but it was a nice feeling. I gave him my oranges, I cleaned up after him, I scratched his back, etc. and Pommer said "Have you gotten yourself a slave?"
It was so nice talking to him. Apparently, Maiken, whom he was supposed to talk to about the whole relationsship thing couldn't come over yesterday, today nor any other days. For some reason, it makes me angry. She doesn't know how lucky she is. If I had Martinez calling my name, I'd be there on the spot immediately. Anyways, no can do. He doesn't think of me like that. I have to play hard-to-get.. I really do. It's just hard when he sits next to Sara and speaks to her. I make Lea call him whenever he tries to communicate with her. Lea is so nice to me.. Hülya isn't, but in the good way.

I keep imagining how it would be, to have him near. I know it sounds cheesy, but c'mon. I wish he'd just think to himself, "Ohhh, isn't she nice! I'm so much in love with her." and then I'd be very happy.
Ohhh, and today! Oh my god! I sat next to Martinez and I asked him to say something in his language. First he didn't want to do it, but then I convinced him. When he said it - whatever he said - it shot shivers down my spine. It sounded so sexy! Ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh...

Things are fuzzing 'round in my mind, things are so confusing. I can't believe I keep falling for those guys, with whom I don't have a chance.

Note to self: Must stop touching Martinez and chasing him.

Oi, yesterday at the teacher-parent meeting, Tina told me next week, when I'm at my internship at Urban, there'll be a BIG surprise awaiting me. Like the biggest in my life, the biggest ever!
- I just can't figure out what it is. I hope it has something to do with either a job or an interview with a huge star.

Monday, November 8

Martinez!

Last night I went to the gasstation with Lea from my class. I told her about my feelings towards Martinez, how I felt, how I thought and what I wanted from him. She was actually very, very helpfull. We talked it through, and it was really nice. We went back to my place, because she had to borrow a DVD. We saw that Martinez was online. Lea started writing him, telling him that she was another Lea, my friend from boarding school, who lived in Brønshøj. She talked to him about nothing and everything and it was really fun, cause he was so sweet. Then she asks "What do you think of her?" - then I just think, no I don't need to hear this, I don't need to hear this.
Then he writes:
"She's very nice and a good person to talk to,
A real friend,
And we're going to have babies together."
I smiled with all my heart. That was all I wanted to hear from him. The baby-thing is an intern joke we have going - cause we both have lotsa brains, so our kids would be perfect!
Anyways, Lea kept talking to him, till he had to go for 15 minutes. Then I took over, when he came back. I did, what I knew I shouldn't do, but what turned out to be okay in the end. I asked about Maiken, cause he'd told Lea that there wasn't a real chemistry between them.
He tells me, that he isn't in love, he just likes her. Apparently, she was the one who started kissing him, he said - that has to mean something, doesn't it? He says that today is the day he's going to find out more.
I played Dr. Phil and gave him advises on women, feelings and stuff like that. I think he opened up. I hope he did. Then I wrote him "There's someone I like a bit as well." and he asked "Who?".
I said "You don't know him."
Before I went to sleep, I wrote him thanks and told him that he was a real friend to me as well.

I don't need his genitals, if I can have his friendsship! Right now, I feel like I could face any danger - including Maiken - cause hey, I'm his 'real friend'. I'm so happy. It's undescribable. Anyways, I'm off to school in a bit, then my happiness might end. It usually goes wrong after it has gone so right.. Right?

Sunday, November 7

Not a chance!

What am I thinking? Me? A chance with Martinez?? I must have lost my mind. What did he do last night? Well, he drank of course. He partied. He was being 'cool'. What did I do? I watched cartoons with my mother and sister, and did some of my math homework. See the difference? Ya, I thought so. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and some of Friday, we'd be great together, but what about the weekends? We're supposed to say "See ya monday!"?
He won't change, I can't ask him to change. Why should I change for a guy? Oiii, I don't know. Hülya said to me, that I could party without drinking. Well, yeah..! Du'h.. But me being social with his friends - his many female friends - without drinking? God, what am I thinking. I might as well give up now. He'd have to be very, very, very much in love to live with my mistakes. God, how embarrassing. Lasse-problem all over again. I don't wanna do this. I don't want to fall for yet another guy who has a life. I don't!

Saturday, November 6

Weather

The weather seems to be everywhere. It's the first thing I notice when I wake up and it's the last I think of when I go to sleep. It affects me, day and night, 24 hours a day, even when I sleep.
Sometimes it makes me warm all over. Sometimes it gives me goosebumps, makes me get chills all over. Sometimes it's cold and then I don't feel so well. Then sometimes it's so beautiful that I can't take my eyes of it. Sometimes the weather brings up feelings in me, just by being there. It seems so far, far away, and because it is so unreachable, I just want to touch it, but I can't. Still, it's the centre of my world and I can't live without it. The world would be chaos without it.

You're my weather. You're my sun, my rain, my snow, my wind and I wouldn't know what to do without you. You motherfucking ROCK, Martinez!

Friday, November 5

A Chance!

I do have a chance, says Húlya. The same girl who yelled out "Stop fooling around, I swear you're going to start dating soon!" in German class. We went to Copenhagen today with our I.T class. On our way, I spoke to Andreas, as I think he's very sweet and funny - everything but my type. Really. I'm not attracted to him in that way. Anyways, I spoke to him as he was the only one I could really relax with on the trip. IN Copenhagen, Húlya and the girls start teasing us with the same 'oooh-you loove each other' crap. Húlya says to me, "What are you doing? You're flirting with 2 guys now! Him and Martinez!"
I tell her gently that just because I speak about the language German with Andreas, it doesn't mean we're getting married - I then prove that, by talking to Morten - they all know I'd rather get screwed by a chainsaw, than marry Morten. I then admit that I am flirting with Martinez. It was like they already knew. Weird.
In the train, on our way home, I went to sit by Húlya. I asked her if she thought I had a chance with Martinez. She said yes. I don't know why, really. She just said that 'we spoke well to each other' and I excused myself by telling her that he spoke well to everyone. She shrugged it of.

I heard her story. Her story about her boyfriend who got married to someone else. Very romantic, not a thing I could ever combine with Húlya. I got to see her from another view today. She wasn't my classmate, she was my girlfriend. It was really nice.

Lea doesn't think I have a chance. Well. I asked her - and thereby also told her bout my 'obsession' with Martinez. I pretend not to like him, though, but it's obvious that I do. It's now leeking to the entire school and I just hate it, hate it, hate it. I'm getting into the same Lasse-Mehmet character and I hate being that annoying teenage-girl that I once come to realise that I am.

Oh, it's too confusing. All I know, is that when I'm near him, I want to be nearer. I need to give him a hug, I struggle not to when I see him. I want to hold him, I want to brutally snog him! No, honest, I want to be as close as possible to him. I never had those 'urges' with Lasse or Mehmet. Is Martinez different from them? Or is he just this year's crush. How will things look in 2 months?
I saw him 8 hours ago, and I already miss him with all my heart. It's dead-annoying. He's the one reason why I would rather be in school than at home. It's scary, isn't it?

Thursday, November 4

*biggest grin*

Okay, forget all bout this "me being grateful"-shit, cause that ain't happening!

Oh, where do I start? Martinez and I were seated next to each other all day today, and we had a whole lot of fun. We joked, we playfaught, we smiled, we laughed, ohh it was fantastic. Then at the end, apparently, I felt it was time to destroy the mood, so I wrote him on a piece of paper "What's the name of your girlfriend?"
He wrote me back that he wouldn't tell. I kept begging him and he started ignoring it. Now, then I got confused. I made him write the first 2 letters of her name. He wrote "ma". Through the rest of the day I guessed on names! He kept saying "no". So frustrating. I followed him to the cleaning-room, where he finally said "I've never said I had a girlfriend! I could just be sleeping with her!"
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! I told him that he'd told Lea that he had a girlfriend yesterday - I quoted him. He shrugged it off.
When I came home, I went on MSN to guess on the name Madina. He said no again. After 10 minutes or so, he asked me if I had run outta names. Finally, FINALLY, he said to me "Ok... I don't have a girlfriend, I lied.
Thank God.
I asked him "Why?" and he said "I don't know" and I said "Okay."
End of discussion... Till I sent him a "............................... :-D"
He 'smiled' back.

I'm so happy right now. Fuck being grateful, Martinez is single! Okay, not that that means I have a better chance, but hey - if I don't get to kiss him, no other girl will! I like that thought. On the other hand, he is spending fairly much time with Natasia. But she's with Mikkel. Isn't she?

It's time to listen to some "Whiskey In The Jar"! That song never fails to make me happy - the Metallica Version, of course.

I've almost forgotten what else has happened today. Oh, we were told about the Germany-trip, which is in the start of January. I hope that I can get to meet Carry.

Wednesday, November 3

Happy Thoughts!

I'm sitting here, thinking a bit, after having had a tiny chat with Lasse. Why be sad? Yeah so Lasse isn't the least bit interested and Martinez has a girlfriend, so what? They're amazing personalities and I love them both very much. They both put a spark in my life, more than they probably would if I was dating them. I'm lucky to know them. Friendship is often better than relationsships, so if I can just develope a relationship with Martinez, now I can't complain. They're both so nice to me and they make me feel so good about myself. If something happens, more than the friendship, well, I'll be a lucky girl. If not, then I'll have in the back of my mind, the knowledge that I know the two best guys in the history of humans. I can't sit here all my life sobbing during long, sad love-songs. Life's too short for that.

Martinez-Chat

Martinez: wassa
Me: wie gehts?
(how are you? in german)
Martinez: gut
(good in german)
Me: gut gut
Me: I thought you were going to be with your boyfriend today. He couldn't make it?
(I couldn't help but saying that!)
Martinez: No, he couldn't.
Me: Seriosly, I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
Martinez: Am I too ugly? Is that what you're saying? Or just the type who never scores?

Me: That's not what I'm saying. Yes, I am that type, but that's not why.
Martinez: is it because I fool around too much in school? Yes, that's why!
Me: No, Martinez.
Martinez: There must be a reason!
Me: You're not offended are you?
Martinez: me offended? No, not by you! You're too sweet for that.
(Then I make a load of smilies and decides to tell him about my feelings)
Me: Are you alone?
Martinez: Yes and my mother, she just got here.
Me: Say hi!
(Then I fortunately don't hear more from him. Thank God, I was just about to make a mistake there.)

Letter #3

Remember delex2?

He's back!

After his mail I wrote him: "Thanks, but no thanks."

Now he has replied:
___________
hello,sweetheart pls why do say no but u know what is good 4 u and what is bad 4 u do u think im going to scared u pls im not a guy that use to scare girls right im a cool guy with a lovely face i love u so much i can wait to let u send me an email pls this is my email add delex2@hotmail.com my name is oladele victor.and try to mail me or u give ur email add bye 4 now i love u.
___________

Sad song

*Do you think of that someone - when you hear that special melody? - I always stop and think of you especially - When the words of a love song - touch the very heart of me. - There'll be sad songs to make you cry -Love songs often do. - They can touch the heart of someone new - Saying I love you. - I often wonder how it could be - you loving me -Two hearts in perfect harmony. - I'll count the hours until that day - The rhapsody plays a melody for you and me. - Until the moment that you give your love to me - You're the one I care for - the one that I would wait for.*
- Billy Ocean "There'll be sad songs (to make you cry)"

MSN 3/11-04


Sandie is still blocked, cause of the mentioning of Sara. Martinez is online. I have 20 people online, which is a tiny bit crazy. Anyways, I put the link to my blog out on X-rated. I believe in sharing my thoughts. Perhaps I'll reach out to someone who can relate, and who is in the same position? I don't know. I know that I trust those girls and I need someone to read my thoughts. Hear that, girls? You're now mind-readers.

The worst way

"The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them."

I could really have lived without today. Then again, I'm grateful for every second of it. I sat 'round the table, chit-chatting to Lea, when Martinez came over. Lea asked, casually, what he was doing tomorrow, cause we could all get together to watch 'Brother Bear'.
"Uh, I think I'm going to be with my girlfriend." he said, as if it was the most natural and not-that-heartbreaking thing to say. I didn't cry. I froze and frowned. Lea and him started talking about this girlfriend of his, but I refused to listen. I snapped at him all the time. And why? Is Lasse really better than Martinez? When Lasse told me about Rollo, I cried my eyes out, and they weren't even dating, not even close. Or do I just not know Martinez well enough to hate him for loving someone else?
I don't want to know her name, and I definitely don't want to see her picture. I thought his way of acting cheap, asking for blowjobs (joking, of course) all the time, was a way of proving his insecurities. I thought it was a way for him to try to score, maybe. I guess I was wrong. That makes his jokes annoying.
Anyways, we reached German class and I sat down beside him (on purpose), I still want to be close to him. And I was. We read of the same paper, and we sat very close. In between, we joked. I threw his hat away, he asked if I would lick his balls (he is a joker, please try to understand his weird sense of humor!) and I said "What do I get?".. He said "A kiss on the cheek."
For a second I thought to myself, what wouldn't I do for a kiss?
My thoughts are racing through my mind, it's awful. Why have I come to care so much for this beast of a guy? A 17year old guy who speaks of nothing but sex, tits n arse.
Is it all just a figure of my imagination? Can I be angry at Martinez for having a girlfriend? It's not like I own him, shite, he doesn't even know how I feel. He's not to know. Definitely.
It went wrong with Mehmet, Casper and Lasse. Why should it go right with Martinez - who happens to also have a girlfriend?

What is it with this guy that makes it impossible for me to concentrate during German class?

We got our report cards back today. I got two 11s, 2 7s and some other numbers, which I don't remember. It went well, I have upgraded myself from last year, which is okay. I got to blurt out my thoughts to some of the girls, about my mum not caring. Amalie understood me, which was a nice feeling.

I don't think there was much else happening today, the whole Martinez-thing just filled my mind all the time. I can't believe I snapped at him! Wrong way to go!

"Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful."

Tuesday, November 2

"Mero"

"And we'll take 5 mero." - Jacob today at exercise. It cracked me up. I'll miss having him. Oh, but life goes on and exercise is more than starring at a pretty little butt.

My mum said something remarkable to me just now. We were talking about the diet team I'm at and she said, like it was the most natural thing to say for her, "I'm proud of you. I thought you were going to fail."
Not that her overwhelming trust in me did me any good, but the words "I'm proud of you" has made an impact. I nearly started crying. I'm glad she told me. But if she can say it like she did today, why doesn't she say it more often? F. ex when I get good grades? Damn it, I got two 13s in 7 days. That's extreme..!

I am tired, though it's only 22 o'clock. I have been up since 5:30 to do my spinning. And I woke up every 15 minute last night. So I better get going.

So far, only 4 people have my blog-address: Merete, Carry, Paul and Mette. So far, I've only gotten possitive responds from Carry and Merete. God bless their furry little arses.

Messenger tonight:


Photo: Martinez


He doesn't look his best at this picture, but he has promised me to give me another one. Dear God, I hope he won't break that promise.


I took this, after telling him he had to smile on pictures. His nose isn't that big in real life. It was taken from a bad point of view.

13

What a beautiful day.

I started of @ 5:30 this morning, at the gym. I spun for an hour, took a shower and went to school, where I could actually find out what we did in math!

We did something like this:
Kn = K (1+x)n

It looks confusing. But it's really not. Ryan spent 15 minutes trying to explain it to us, and we didn't understand a thing. Martinez spent 15 seconds explaining it and it made sense to all of us. He got a full applause. It made sense to me. I felt so good. Perhaps exercise does make you smarter. So fortunately, I have spinning tonight as well.

I got my tops from tshirthell.com!

They're not quite large enough, so I have to loose more weight. Hopefully, they'll look better on me by 25th and 26th November. I so have to impress the 5 irish lads.

Martinez confused me today. He was really kind and all, but he seemed to not care that much about my presence during the first two hours. I really wish I knew what was going through his mind. He joked around with me a bit and that was cool.

You know how it feels, when someone you care for says "we" about you and him? To me, it's like getting struck by lightening or something. I get all warm inside and I blush. I really can't explain why, it's just a feeling I get. Well, Martinez said 'we' about us, when he told the teacher we were together on an assignment.

I blushed.

We got back our english essays, mine was "My perfect day". Our teacher, Tina, told me that she could not see any reason to not give me a 13, which is like an A+. The first thing I blurted out was "Again?!" and I just couldn't help smiling like a sun.
The guys called me "geek", which was okay. It's fun being a geek sometimes.

I wrote my mum and dad. My dad wrote back that I was good and I was daddy's girl, hehe.
My mum wrote what two of her co-workers had said, something like "Wow" and "Oh my god". She wrote "congratulations."

I don't like it when she says that. It's like it's 100% my achievement. I mean, I know it is, but still, if she said "I'm glad,", "I'm proud," or something like that, I'd be way more happier.

Anyways, when something good happens, something bad is destined to happen as well.

I wonder what will go ultimately bad in the end.

Cheers.

Monday, November 1

MSN 1/11/04


This is my MSN today. I have Sandie blocked because of the mentioning of Sara. Too much ignorance for one day. Speaking of ignorance, LasseFrom is online as well. He's {Den Feee'e Kælling}. Yes I did send him a message and no he did not reply. Clarkey & Eazt, I'm not sure who is though.

Love-list*

The people I absolutely adore (of whom I have pictures. There are picture-less people whom I love equally.)

Tobias, my older brother.
Naja, boarding school friend.
Mette, also boarding school friend.
Merete, all-time funniest & bestest friend (over-seas, that is.)
Laura, my sister. <3
Ida, old roomie (the red-head.)
From, crush #1. Best crush so far.
Carry, best friend - in Germany? Or in the world.
And Amanda. Just the funniest and happiest girl in the world.
This is Janneke. I really do love her, though I've never met her. Ok, perhaps it's a bad picture, but she doesn't like getting her picture online. But I swear, she really does have big curls, a really long neck and green nose.

There are loads more people that I love, but these are the ones I especially remember. <3

Good conversation

I had a conversation with Martinez that looked something like this:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v25/lasagneprincess/5fea29e7.jpg

Leah <3


This is Leah from the class next to mine. We were going to do our big school project together, but we wanted other things. Unfortunately? She would have been nice to work with.

Letter #2

Now this guy isn't as freaky as the first guy. It's always nice to find out that you're both fantastic and nice, especially when it comes from a guy who goes to university studying economics. If only he had not called me "baby" at the end of the letter, the 'Boys2Men' method just doesn't work for me. And the 2nd last line? "I wait to send me your email". If only I knew what he meant... Sorry, Salim.
______________________

hello the best girl in the world ! , are you fine ?
i'm very happy to know you in faceparty , seriously you are fantastic and very nice , this is way i like you become my best friend . it's the next time i find the best flower in my life.
my name is salim , i'm 18 old years , i'm student in university , at the moment i study the economics . i practis the sport in my life , for example ( basketball , swiming , tenis ) , and i like the music ( hip hop , rock , rap ) .
i dream to travel to every where in the world.
i hope you baby to accept our friend ship ,
look this is my email ; drave_321@hotmail.com
i wait to send me your email .
by by by , takecare !!!! , bestwhishes to your friends and your family

Letter #1

I just recieved this letter at faceparty.com, and I think you should read.
__________________

dear love
how are you? hope you are doing fine and cool.I happened to browse through your page and i must comfess to you that i really like what i saw.I know this doesn't buy me anything but i am looking at the most beautiful lady in the world.I am not a naturally born teaser;but you look absolutely cute and radiant my dear.you are a woman to gladden the heart of any man.Tell me just to satisfy my curiosity.Were you put together by an architect or you did grow that way naturally?You are my match of a woman,i have been longing to meet all the while.And when i see interesting looking people i am always curious because i may be able to learn something new.
In a nutshell i will like to know you much better,we have so much in common and i felt we could be friends.Waiting for your response so that we can chat and know each other better.
Until then you have a very special place in my affections.
foundest love,
victor,delex2@hotmail.com


______________

If I am scared or flattered is not to tell.

Food-Cravings

It's awful, I know, but I am craving food today. I ate a bag of candy (I borrowed money from Martinez) and am now craving a Coca Cola light. Fortunately, it's not the worst I could eat. It's only the sugar that will get to me. And now I wonder why I eat when I know it will only harm me in the end. I have to stop accompany myself with food all the time.

Martinez looked drop-dead-gorgeous today, tho. He wore a light brown hood, which hid his hair. He looked really, really hot. Even though I try to avoid the word "hot".

I still don't get him. I want him to understand, so badly, what I have gone through and what I am going through still, with my weight problems. Then again, who am I to talk about problems, I have every chance of getting thinner, and yet I just bought a bag of candy. I think he wants to make things easy. He doesn't like complicated things. I bet his world isn't complicated. When things get hard, he protests and gets mad. So for him, loosing weight should be the least of a person's worries. Why he continously tease B., I don't know. Perhaps he really doesn't mean what he says. Perhaps he just wants to make me laugh? Please, let that be the reason.